WEB OF MEMORIES AGE-OLD RITES TAKE NEW FORM THROUGH THE INTERNET.(BUSINESS)

Byline: VANDANA SINHA THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT

The e-mails poured in from Cincinnati, Pennsylvania, Pakistan, Transylvania.

They came from next-door neighbors in Virginia Beach.

In a desolate world after the death of her son, Andy, they made Jeannette Bacs smile.

They were electronic eulogies to an online memorial - the computer generation's method of laying their loved ones to rest.

The Internet is alive and well in the death care industry. From online obituaries to funeral Webcasts, technology has allowed people to share grief beyond the graveside.

``Just as your embalming table and chapel serve a family, so should your computer and Internet,'' said Todd R. Abrams, president of Funeral Exchange, a Dallas firm that provides high-tech services to funeral homes.

Some families have welcomed the evolution with open arms.

``As it turned out, it was one of the best things that could have happened,'' said Bacs, whose online obituary of Andy in October drew 63 online tributes to him from cousins, soccer teammates and bar buddies across the world.

``Had it not been for e-mail, many of these persons would not have gotten a call through to send us their condolences,'' the 57-year-old Beach woman said. ``You just don't know who's out there whose life this is going to touch.''

As newspapers made their way online in the past several years, they took their most-read section - the obituary pages - with them.

One local entrepreneur noticed the shift and decided to build an online presence of his own: a Web directory of newspaper obit sites. Last month, he received 1,000 hits from the United States to Uruguay, Israel to Indonesia.

``Once people know information like that is available, they'll use it,'' said Carver D. Hyman, who runs Netmemories.com out of his Suffolk home. ``It's like a Yahoo in the bereavement industry.''

Hoping to make some money from advertisement banners and sales on his site - it links to flower and car rental companies - Hyman said this allows locals to find newspaper obituaries, type condolences, make donations and ship flowers from desktops to families halfway across the country.

The idea has funeral directors sitting up and taking note. More of them have begun to post obituaries online after faxing them into the newspaper. Locally, where the population is transient because of the military, interest is even stronger.

The typed words often sit against a backdrop of rosebuds, American flags or fall-colored forests. Some have gold wallpaper, some soft musical notes, some a collage of photos.

``If you don't get on the bandwagon, you're left in the dust,'' said John M. Butler, manager of Altmeyer Funeral Home, whose Web site houses more than 720 obits and 2,000 electronic condolences.

Last month alone, Altmeyer's site received 4,000 hits. Since January 2001, when the site went live, it has received more than 89,000 hits.

Intrigued, other companies have boarded the bandwagon to create a national database of online obituaries.

``Nobody lives where they were born anymore,'' said Michael Putzel, vice president for Web operations for Arkansas-based Continental Computer Corp., a software development firm that manages the year-old National Obituary Archive and its 50 million obits and death records.

``Children don't live near parents,'' he said. ``Friends are scattered all over the country and all over the world. Having a national obituary archive makes it much easier for people to get information.''

Next to the obit are options to send flowers, write tributes, find a funeral home. A more morbid feature allows people to ask the archive to e-mail them when a certain obituary is filed, whether by name, hometown or church.

While some families have been consoled by the language of the Internet, others say the electronic touch has made little difference in the grieving process.

An online obit popped up when 46-year-old Denise L. Maida's father passed away last February.

Eleven months later, she's not read a word of response on her computer.

``At that time, who wants to get on the Internet?'' the Virginia Beach resident said. ``Not me.''

Not David E. Chapman Jr., whose father died in November.

``It's only going to be the tech-savvy people who use it,'' said the 42-year-old Chesapeake man, who also hasn't received any e-mails or tributes to the online obit.

Fans of online obituaries argue that it takes time for some of the country's oldest traditions to catch on to the Internet age.

``Admittedly, a small percentage of people use the service today,'' said Michael Fullington, CEO of Continental Computer Corp. ``But our growth rate indicates that within five years, the largest part of funeral information will be received through sources like ours.''

But a few aren't waiting for widespread approval before entering the Internet age's next arena for the death care business: Webcasting.

The practice may still be slow to spread across the country, but a Williamsburg funeral home has set the stage for the first local family looking to broadcast funeral services on the Web for well-wishers who can't attend.

Starting this month, Nelsen Funeral Home plans to pilot the process, digitally recording the services, uploading them to its Web site and screening them for family and friends with passwords.

``It's a point in an individual's life,'' said President Blair H. Nelsen. ``People find they want to be there. They can't be there, and this fills a need for them.''

Though, he's not expecting any crowds in the first month.

``It's such a new concept,'' said Nelsen, who spent about $5,000 on the cameras and broadband. ``I'm not fooling myself. I don't think it'll take off overnight. I think it's something that's going to take time.''

Bacs can attest to that. It had taken time for her to embrace the Internet's role in her loved one's death. Three years ago, she buried her 76-year-old mother. The Net played no part in that. Not like it did in the passing of her 35-year-old son, Andy.

``But my mother was not in the dot-com age,'' she explained. ``My son was.''

That difference, she said, gives her grandson an electronic memento of his father that will never fade or yellow.

Reach Vandana Sinha at vsinha@pilotonline.com or 446-2318.

CAPTION(S):

(Color photo)

GARY C. KNAPP

John M Butler...

Carver D. Hyman's Netmemories.com...